Afraid of the dark?

For many years I was afraid of the dark.

Part of my fear was fuelled by the fact that my darkened room was very blurred and indistinct. It took me a long time to realise that this was because I took off my glasses as I turned off the lamp.

This is a helpful metaphor to me as I try to remain true to my pledge to face my fears and live life with the fewest regrets possible. I was a phobic child and teenage for me was a struggle to fight through to some kind of normality. At fifty, I've largely won those early battles, but a little stress can tip me into cocking my head like a gundog at strangely magnified sounds, waiting for the Undefined Awfulness to strike.

These days, with a little help from CBT, I can quickly step back from those fears. Some days I have to do it a few times, but most of the time I'm fine. I have my glasses on as I look at my life.

My greatest fears are no longer for my personal safety. Nor even for those brave souls in Egypt. I fear for what we - in the UK - have allowed society to become. It was ever thus, people decrying, declaiming, wringing their hands... but I see many cases of families falling apart, people putting physical desires before everything else, greed and plain, old-fashioned nastiness. And I don't like it.

It seems to me that countries where there is a named evil to fight are almost (ALMOST) more fortunate than we are. With our so-called democracy, we have no place to turn and plead for a new regime. For isn't it already a privilege to live in a free country? We do not march in anger at the (non)treatment of our elderly, disabled, despairing. For aren't they already lucky to live in such a wonderful country?

How long are we going to continue pretending that Britain is the kind of place you'd want to live at any cost? ANY cost? When bankers are still receiving bonuses, whilst the rest of us are being encouraged to go out and volunteer to ensure that some lucky citizens receive their basic rights?

THIS is true darkness.

We all need glasses to bring clarity to the situation and no, Mr Cameron, not the rose-tinted ones, if you please.

The Big Society

I genuinely no longer know whether David Cameron has really spoken, or whether reports are spoofs, these days.

I don't understand how nobody has yet stood up in public and asked how we can create a Big Society when the Tories are fully aware that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SOCIETY. Sowing and reaping come to mind.

I don't know if I've fully understood the implications of his plan, but it looks to me as though charities are going to be allowed to fill all the gaps which Government aren't prepared to pay for. Is that it? If so, it's a wonderful vision... for the bankers.

When will those in 'power' understand that there is anger - REAL anger (and this from someone who buried her anger so deeply under a Christian veneer that it's taken me thirty years to get back in touch with it) - about the fact that whilst hundreds of thousands of people are unable to afford basic staples, we have yet to see those who brought about this situation brought to book. Bonuses worth hundreds of thousands of pounds are still being paid as a reward for greed and mismanagement.

I AM angry. And I feel powerless. I voted LibDem because that is where my heart lies, not as some weedy cop-out from having to think about politics. And so now I am homeless, disenfranchised through the whole cynical process of the Tories munching up Clegg and spitting him out.

And don't even get me started on footballers' salaries...