Glorious day!

I just wanted to record how good it feels to wake up to a glorious, sunny, frosty morning.

The sky is an absolutely brilliant blue; the sun is already casting crisp shadows and there is a definite feeling of Spring on its way. After a long, hard winter this is wonderfully welcome!

I've had a tough few weeks emotionally; the nest has felt very empty indeed. As someone who spent her entire life from the age of three planning to have two little girls (and had them!) I still have to work on making the shift into Life After Motherhood. It's not as though I didn't prepare, nor is it that recent but - I suppose nursing someone through a horrible illness for seven years brings you extremely close.

I have lots of other things to do in life. I write, swim, walk, enjoy the countryside and have a full-time job. Yet still I am aware of an emptiness in my heart, feeling bereft on a bad day and merely nostalgic on a good one. This is classic midlife stuff and I know I shall get through to the other side.

I feel a little irritated with myself to be honest. I am thrilled that my daughters have built their new lives. I am excited by what they are doing. And it's quite possible that I am feeling the stirrings of needing to get out there myself. Is there any excuse for someone who speaks several languages to sit at home in England wishing she wasn't lonely at times?

Money - of course. But... there are jobs abroad. There are cheap holidays. And there are two beautiful capital cities to visit in the company of my daughters, the locals.

Now that I'm off crutches and no longer hobbling around, it's time to get off my backside and stop feeling sorry for myself!

Watch this space...

March on...

So here we are in March, thank goodness - February, I'm afraid, lived up to its reputation for being a grey, dreary, cold month this year. March began with a warm, sunny day - although it's cold at the moment, the birds are singing their hearts out in preparation for Spring.

I've been in the same school for over four months now. I've put a lot of work in and learnt a lot too, and am waiting to hear when the teacher who is off begins her phased return.

After that, I'm not sure what I'll be doing. I'm planning to be around for the transition which may mean missing out on other jobs, but I'm hoping for some day-to-day work which will help tide me over. I still don't feel that I'm 'there' yet in terms of What I'm Going To Do When I Grow Up, but to be honest I'm not sure I shall ever Arrive. I am happier on this journey, though, than I was for the previous nine years in my old job. I keep meeting people I knew then who tell me I look 'years younger'. Certainly the pride in having been courageous enough to leap out of bondage to the Local Authority has made me happier,; I expect that's what they see.

So - what next? I'm not sure. But as I've always said to my daughters, SOMETHING will be next. You never arrive at a point in your life without being able to look back at the path you trod to get there. I have absolute trust in that process, even though I'm hazy about the details. A year from now, I shall undoubtedly have been living my ilfe for another year, so it just remains to see what I'll have been doing!

Happy March to you all!